I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So apparently I’m into choking now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
