Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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