Only a mothe r could love this liver
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
