....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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