FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
