i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
