An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
