How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
