I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
