I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we made out on top of his cat.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
