mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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