1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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