So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
