Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
