someone threw a dead crab at me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
