Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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