two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
