Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
