just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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