I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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