i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
