I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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