8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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