it hurts more in the daytime
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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