I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
