the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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