It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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