I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
