Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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