he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Two words: blizzard sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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