i think i have two assholes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
