I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
