i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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