I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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