Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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