why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
