Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
