I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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