I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
