He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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