for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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