and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
