Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
