I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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