dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
