He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
