a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
