while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
