i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
