You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
